So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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