evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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