i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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