I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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