Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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