im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
