who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I still have a little drunk in my system
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
