if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
