Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
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Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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