you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
