The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize