At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
