I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
