She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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