Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
