apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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