he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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