On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We had to coat check the pizza.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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