yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize