I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
