First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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