you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
