Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
