I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize