Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
