it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
