He asked to "fluff my boner.."
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
