I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My ATM looks so different sober.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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