1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
