I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
