The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize