I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
