I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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