she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
