Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
