do herpes really smell.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
