you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
