I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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