I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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