So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
