I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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