is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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