She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
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He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
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I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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