I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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