i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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