I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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