last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
