cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
