We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
