she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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