false alarm. still invincible.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
