Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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