she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
