Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
