Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
