Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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