How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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