im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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