On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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