please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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