I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
